As I am writing this my three children are playing in the great room, they are playing “pretend” while riding on their scooters. The imaginary world is made up as they go along. The littlest one declares, ” ….And then I’m really small and I get out of jail and you guys chase me!!” Giggling ensues and off they go on their scooters round and round chasing one another. One of them, usually the oldest will tire of the chase and develop a new imaginary plot twist to move the story along but with this new revelation comes pushback from the younger two. The oldest pronounces, “I turned into a fast bunny and I can outrun you!! to which the youngest replies, “Well…..Bunnies are nocturnal so you have to go sleep because its day time.” Wails of, “NUH UH!!!” and the scooter is full speed coming into the kitchen while the oldest pleads, “MOM, Bunnies aren’t nocturnal are they!?!?!?” To be really honest I don’t know. We googled it and in fact, they are not nocturnal rather they are crepuscular which apparently means they are active at dusk and dawn. The revelation that the oldest was right creates a wave of power through her and she is more than ready to wield it. Chaos ensues and they are all sent to different rooms to quiet the fighting.
This type of uninterrupted exercise of imagination is crucial for children’s development not only because it encourages them to be creative but also because it teaches them how to disagree. Fighting and disagreeing and ‘who’s gonna be the boss?’ is really important in the real world. Each of my children has a very different personality, the oldest is clearly the boss and is a borderline bully, the middle is ultra-sensitive ‘everybody is always so mean to me’, and the littlest is a follower of the oldest and rides on the oldest power and joins in bullying the middle if given the opportunity.
As they grow they will find that their personalities are not terribly unique and each will fall into a category of either the queen bee or the worker bee. My oldest is the queen bee and she is not about to lose her status as such. The middle is constantly trying to dethrone her and the youngest clearly knows she has no power so she sticks close to the queen even though more often than not she gets stung. Women usually find themselves in social circles with a queen or two depending on the group size. You have the ones killing themselves to dethrone the queen often to no avail, and then there is the rest of the group that’s just there trying to fly under the radar and benefit from the queen. I have one of each in my household.
The scene this morning reminded me of a recent experience I had in a social group recently that ended disastrously. I was in the category of “the rest of the group” until I felt it necessary to put myself in the “dethrone the queen” group, I didn’t win. The whole experience allowed me to reevaluate who I am and what my social goals are. I decided I didn’t want to be the queen…..ever.
ACH Farm 